Happy Nightmares and Nerdy Weekend
Good morning, it’s time to wriggle your luxurios bodies out of the warm comforts of bed and start a new and freeeesh week!
Yup, it’s Monday again. The coffee’s brewing for me and My Lady, these are the minutes straight after feeding the cats and taking a morning piss myself and the minutes before My Lady gets up to take on a new week in the book store. Yeah, she’s a book store manager. How awsome is that? I’m no book digger, tho! I got to know and love her way before she came with that kind of occupational benefits. But you’re not hearing me complain!
These are the minutes of ME time, complete with coffee, back in bed, however sitting, and starting on this blogpost for you lot.
I had a wicked nightmare this night – I mean…fuck me and hold your horses, it was grim! But it also made me happy! Coming up—>
I have also had a nerdy weekend, taking time off Social Media a bit, to focus on my blog, my digital home decorations. That is up next ->
The Nerdy Weekend
Actually, “Rocking the Spectrum” is now a project I’m working on through my work at Special Minds. I want to learn about website building, SoMe marketing and platforms, ways of blogging and such – I told them I wanted to make a living out of writing, somehow. So, as Special Minds is a place that builds neurodiverse people, like me, up to take on regular jobs and since I already had my own blog I was fumbling with, they said that I should use my blog more workrelated and from that, learn some of all the skills I would need to learn for a future regular job.
So this coming Wednesday I was to make a plan for designing, restructuring, creating the brand and everything else that comes to it. Like, kind of thinking it from scratch.
But the thing is, I have Aspergers! I tend to get a little nerdy. And if something interests me, I dive in rather than wait – and pretty much forget everything else around me. Including the cold, I’ve been fighting and that are right now causing pain in my ears, but at least the snot is almost gone!
So it started out with me just wanting to write down a plan for the work, so my contact person could get an overview of the tasks ahead. Then I started wondering if “this” and “that” is actually possible, so I started researching. Then I dabbled a bit with some minor changes…and suddenly the weekend was gone!
I am actually a little annoyed that I didn’t think of a screen dump, before the changes, because I would have loved to have been able to see the process later.
But I got into CSS for the first time EVER this weekend. I can’t say I’m an expert by now, hell, not even a novice, but I do have some sense of what it’s all about, found a plug-in, SiteOrigin CSS, to help me make the changes I needed to in my theme (actually changed the entire theme too). What I really love about SiteOrigin is that I can work with it visually, so I can follow the changes I make in live time. Which is nice, when you really don’t have the first feck of clue as to what you’re doing with a CSS stylesheet! My guess is that as I work with it more, and add programming theory at Special Minds, it will eventually come together. Fingers crossed for that!
So I changed the theme, and worked on it via SiteOrigin. As you know I have struggled with my blog plugin that didn’t send out notifications to my followers, when I uploaded something new… and my dear fellow bloggers, we all know how important that is!
So I went through a couple of other plug ins, that didn’t do the trick, before I came across Blog Designer – and absolutely loved the simplicity and the aesthetics of the design. Complete with share buttons, which I had to insert manually before, using short code. This very post will be the ultimate test – and I’m actually a bit impatient to finish, because I’m so curious if I will finally get that notification mail (I subscribed myself to see if it worked – so far it hasn’t).
I’m telling you right now, I’m going to do some dancing here in the living room, still in PJ’s and unhinged boobs, if it works!
No, I will not document that on film! I have some sense of pride!
Before I even got to that, I had to convert ALL my blogposts from “blog” to “posts”, in order to not loose them. For that I downloaded the WP Staging plugin that would allow me to work on a copy of my site, without risking loosing content. In that clone of my site, I used Post Type Switcher, which very fast and easily changed the entire blog archive into post archive. Not by one-click, but close enough. You can apparantly import your clone and replace the live site, but that seemed like too complicated a process, for something that really would be done within minutes, if I just repeated the procedure on the live site.
As you click through the site, you will see, that I have been working and that I’m not quite done. You’re right! In fact, I’m far from done. Essentially this weekend was about finding and getting to know the tools that could take me where I want to go.
So, for the time being Rocking the Spectrum is somewhat of a construction site. Have patience. This blogger never really had any IT Classes or Computer Classes. Well, yeah, shortly back when computers were big greyish boxes, working on MS-DOS. So it’s pretty much self-taught the lot of it – so things might take time, but I will get there! Promise.
Now, let’s take off the geeky glasses for a while and turn to the dark side for a while…
I know – it sounds a bit odd, calling it a happy nightmare! It really wasn’t happy at all – not until after.
I’m not even going to tell you that much about it, because I’m going to see if I can turn it into either a short story or a novel. And I personally hate spoilers, so of course, I’m not going to do the same to you.
Problem is, I wasn’t actually given the plot or the “why this is so” – I just experienced that part of it, where – if it was a horror movie – you’d hide behind a pillow or possibly vomit from fear!
I get nightmares a lot and a lot of them do bother me for the first hour or so after waking up.
This one was different. I had fucking goose bumps in my sleep! I know that, because of my tactile sensory issues, that makes my skin itch like crazy whenever I get goosies, be it from fear, music or temperature. The bedroom was well temperatured. There was no music – and I was scared shitless, when I woke up at 1.23am (and yes, the specific time kinda added to that fear).
I got up, fetched some bread in the kitchen, and as I sat on the side of the bed eating, I had this thought, that someone could grap my feet, if they were under the bed! As I pulled my feet up, I looked to the door leading to the hallway. Did the shadows move? None of these things had anything to do with what actually took place in the nightmare, but it had left me on razor sharp edges.
I don’t know if I even have the writing skills to do that nightmare justice, but I do know, I need to try. It wasn’t bloody or violent, not really. It was subtle, sneaky, almost invisible – until it wasn’t.
So, to make it clear, the nightmare itself wasn’t happy. It’s looking forward to the challenge of recreating the thing, that makes me happy. And a challenge it will be!
Adding up, making sense and coming together
So I guess, all in all, you can say that this weekend has been about things “coming together”.
And that is going to be the Happy October message of this post:
even if you struggle, small epiphanies and victories can be just around the corner!
It’s only a little more than half a week ago, where I collapsed, self harmed and pretty much felt like I didn’t want to be here anymore! If you missed that and you’re in the mood for a little darkness after me talking about nightmares, you go to “Slipknot, work progress and melt downs”.
Throughout my 40 years of existence, if there is one thing I’ve come to acknowledge, it’s that things go up, and then they go down – and then they go up again. It’s an endless circle, which can be both discouraging and comforting, depending on where you’re at in the cyclus.
Lately, however many challenges I’ve had, it seems like things are coming together. Getting the diagnosis, figuring out the reasons why I do the things I do, which has given me the chance to be a lot more self-forgiving and self-caring, which ultimately has led to this point: realizing that website construction, SoMe marketing, branding and so forth actually interests me – I get to be creative and get to analyse data as well. How is that not a win win? But what about an actual paid job, Linda? – you might ask and you’re ever so sensible and right doing so.
But I’ll get there! One step at the time. Hopefully, the financial situation will hold. If not, there is probably a solution to that as well. I have a girlfriend, that loves me. A family that has my back. A mentor that helps me structure my thoughts and my day to day doings. A social caseworker, who is doing her best to help (she’s the one who suggested Special Minds in the first place). A contact person at Special Minds, who is extremely supportive of the ideas I have and encourage me to dive in.
Ever so slowly, the future is coming together, it seems. Maybe it has taken a few decades to get here, but I don’t regard the years of suffering and struggling as wasted.
Neither should you!
Those years have – if anything – taught me resilience, patience, compassion, strength and trust. Trust? Yes, trust!
I have developed a deep trust in my own ability to get back on my feet. I may stumble and fall occasionally – but I get back up. A little bit wiser. A little bit stronger. A little extra spark of light in my eyes.
It’s coming together.
I would absolutely love to hear about your recent successes and victories – no matter how insignificant you may deem them to be. Take a few minutes to just – in the comments below – give yourself the credit you truly deserve.
You managed shopping for groceries? That’s so cool!
Cooking? Wow, way to go!
Did you just get a raise? You fucking earned it!
Have you just purchased a beautiful dress, that you love and fit? Hey, you rock those colours!
Nothing is too big or too small. The comments below are all for you and whatever achievement you’d like to share.
Oh, and for the record – bragging is absolutely and totally okay!
Thanx for reading, my sunshines… have a fantastic day, whereever you are!
This post is a part of my “Happy October” series, that started October 1st with “Litter boxes and rainbows”. You can get notifications on new posts, by subscribing to lindavlind.dk in the sidebar. Wanna see the other posts of Happy October, you just click the tag “Happy October” in the sidebar or use the search bar. Feel free to comment or share your own rays of sunshine in the section below.
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